Someone played Steve Miller
Someone set some stuff on fire
The brilliance of Jonathan Coulton's song "The Town Crotch" begins with a perfect description of a kegger, right down to music being played. Let's face it, at some point in our lives, we've all been at a party where we've stopped what we're doing, raised our cups and yelled "Woo-woo!" at the appropriate moment in "The Joker."
And that was what Steve Miller did best, create background music for frat parties - and I don't mean that in a bad way. Like an episode of The King Of Queens, it's formulaic and edgeless, but also unpretentious and fun. Whenever you hear "Rock'n Me," "Take The Money And Run," or any one his hits, you can put away your troubles for a spell. I'd rather listen to those than nearly everything Brian Eno has ever produced.
But by 1982, he was six years behind his high point of Fly Like An Eagle. My guess is that he freaked out when his old buddy Boz Scaggs sold assloads of copies of Silk Degrees and never fully recovered. But it turns out he had one more giganto-hit in him, and those of us who remember it are still in therapy as a result. Here's "Abracadabra."
The intro sets the tone perfectly, with Miller's trademark plonky guitar tone above some then-modern synthesizer effects, as if to say, "Yeah, I'm flying like an eagle, but on a big ol' jet airliner."
I heat up, I cant cool down
You got me spinnin' around and 'round
'round and 'round and round it goes
Where it stops nobody knows
He's obviously so taken with this woman that Miller is referring to himself as "it." This is known as the Reverse Rickey Henderson.
Also. when the first verse repeats a word five times and you're not listening to Van Morrison's Astral Weeks, you're in trouble.
Every time you call my name
I heat up like a burnin' flame
It is at this point in the video that we are first introduced to the shirtless men in parachute pants.
That's right, we can blame MC Hammer on Steve Miller.
Burnin' flame full of desire
Kiss me baby, let the fire get higher
Everytime this verse gets played somewhere, Jimi Hendrix's "Fire" dies a little inside. But the song does transition nicely into the chorus.
Abra-abra-cadabra
I want to reach out and grab ya
Now, I know it's got to be tough to come up with a rhyme for "Abracadabra," but come on? I challenge any man to use that as a pick-up line and see if he leaves the bar with his nuts intact. Any woman who could be seduced by a come-on like that probably didn't meet the IQ requirements for Season Two of "Rock Of Love with Bret Michaels."
Abra-abra-cadabra
Abracadabra
Four lines in the chorus, three of which are the same. This challenges Paul McCartney's "My Love" for CdlC's "Laziest Chorus In A Number One Hit" award.
You make me hot, you make me sigh
You make me laugh, you make me cry
Again, Miller tries to connect with his past. I'm a joke, I'm a smoker, I'm a midnight toker.
Also, there's the lack of parallel structure in the antonyms. "Laugh" and "cry" work properly, if simplistically, together, but "hot" and "sigh?" Besides, we already know he can't cool down because of the first friggin' verse, so at least he's got continuity going for him.
Keep me burnin' for your love
With the touch of a velvet glove
She challenged him to a duel?
I feel the magic in your caress
I feel magic when I touch your dress
OK, I have to confess that, growing up, I always thought the lyric said, "I feel magic when I touch your breast," which would had been so much cooler.
Silk and satin, leather and lace
Black panties with an angel's face
Settle down, Beavis.
I see magic in your eyes
I hear the magic in your sighs
Just in case you didn't get the hint that this song had a magic theme from the title, here are some reinforcements.
Just when I think Im gonna get away
I hear those words that you always say
Abra-abra-cadabra
I want to reach out and grab ya
Abra-abra-cadabra
Abracadabra
Every time you call my name
I heat up like a burnin flame
Burnin flame full of desire
Kiss me baby, let the fire get higher
Was this verse so deep that it needed to be repeated?
I heat up, I cant cool down
My situation goes round and round
(repeat and fade)
Just for the record, apart from the title and "situation", no word in this song has more than two syllables. Make of that what you will.
